A gay man’s love

There’s a young guy in his late twenties sitting just behind me on a bench. He looks a little gay and sounds a little gay too. He is in his late 20’s, he’s wearing his sunglasses on his forehead, he’s been sitting on the bench since I’ve arrived here, facing the bay as well. He is conducting a conversation with a young black woman who is wearing African traditional clothes, it is a white-pink dress and flat black shoes. He is talking most of the time, yet when she talks, she uses her hands and talks passionately. They seem to have a pleasant conversation. They laugh from time to time and never have a silent moment.

Let’s call him Gerard. Gerard is gay. He was born in Traralgon – Gippsland, where he was regularly abused because of his strong feminine side. He was unhappy and bored during his adolescence. When he moved to Melbourne he found his freedom. He started going out with boys. He never doubted that he likes boys. He is not attracted to girls at all. However, his parents don’t speak to him anymore.

Her name is Litivi. She emigrated from Ethiopia to Australia when she was 9. She remembers Ethiopia and its tradition clearly. She tries to maintain her Ethiopian tradition in Melbourne. She lives at home with her parents, although she’s 27 already. Her parents expect her to marry a black guy, he doesn’t have to be from Ethiopia, anywhere in Africa is ok.

Litivi and Gerard know each other from the organic market. Litivi sells in the market special Ethiopian dishes, and Gerard visits the organic market regularly. Gerard loves the food she makes and is present at her stall as often as he can. This is how they started talking. One time Gerard suggested to have coffee after the market, Litiwi agreed to join him. Since then they have been seeing each other several times each week, not only at the market.

They discovered that they’ve got much in common. After Gerard finished his Photography degree he volunteered in a school in Ethiopia for two months as an English teacher. He loves the Ethiopian culture, he loves Ethiopian food, loves African music in general and loves the company of positive people.

Litivi loves white native Australian people. She doesn’t actually have many close white friends, yet would love to have some. Living in white Australia, yet not having the essential contacts with the mainstream locals makes her feel disconnected.

Litivi looks like a happy young person. I would think so because as I’ve mentioned before she talks in a passionate way. She looks like the type of people that live life using its full potential. But in the bottom of her heart she is sad. She feels guilty that her parents had to suffer so much before they arrived to Melbourne. In the meanwhile she’s got every thing she wants to have, and yet, she isn’t content. She feels blocked inside herself, unproductive and helpless. Lately she’s been talking to Gerard about these feelings and thoughts. He is a good listener. He listens yet immediately afterwards tells his own stories. He doesn’t really react to what she says, he might not know what to say. He usually complains about heterosexuals and their narrow-mindness. For instance he told Litiwi how upset he was when he noticed that when he walked hand in hand with Ben, the guy he’s been seeing in the last months, people just kept on staring at their hands, and thereafter at their faces, as if they were animals in the zoo.

On Sunday evening, after the markets, Gerard took Litwi to a Japanese restaurant on Brunswick street. A cool dude with a dark brown leather jacket stared at them. A fat motorbike fellow with a long red beard looked at them. For a moment he thought that this was because Litiwi is so beautiful, but unfortunately it wasn’t the reason for the staring. When the bum on the street whispered to them, “white is beautiful,” he understood that it was Litiwi’s black skin that made people look at them, again as if they were animals in the zoo. Even now that he is not with a man but with a beautiful Ethiopian woman, society @ Fitzroy doesn’t accept him.

Gerard looked at Litiwi, “You know I am gay, but in any case I think YOU are beautiful!” he told her, he blushed a bit, which is exceptional for Gerard. Not many things embarrass him, but because he knew she was kind of traditional he wasn’t sure he was allowed to say that. She in return told him, “you are the most beautiful gay guy I know”. He was the only gay guy she knew, but that didn’t matter, she was sure she will never meet a more beautiful gay guy. Gerard was beautiful from inside. He made her feel beautiful by the intense looks he had been giving her.

“I am thinking to start reading the old testament, I have never red it before, it interests me because--” Gerard stopped her, “I think--” he started a sentence yet immediately realized that he is more interested in what Litiwi has to say than in his silly declarations about the old testament, which he had probably picked up from a television program anyway. Gerard decided to listen as much as possible to what Litiwi has to say.

“Sorry, go ahead,” he tells her, she goes on explaining that the old testament is surely as interesting as any other literature, or even more, and she is going to try and read it as a book, as a story, without the religious implications.

While they are eating fresh sushi Gerard thinks about Litiwi as a model for his photographs. It is amazing to see a woman originated from Africa eating Sushi. If he could take a picture of this moment, it could teach Fitzroy people about real cultural diversity. He would like to photograph Litiwi but perhaps this will offend her. He wouldn’t want to loose her, she is a special lady.

Litiwi is confused, she is 27, it is by far an age for major decisions, for settling down, it is especially expected from her by her family. But she does not know what she wants, she was never good in taking decisions. Should she go to a big trip to Africa to discover her origins, like her brother did when he was her age? Should she hook up with the next best black fellow she meets and get married with him, and have children? Should she save up together with her older sister Eti and open an Ethiopian organic restaurant in Brunswick as Eti pressures her to do? Should she rebel and leave her parents’ house as a single woman after all? Should she go do a master degree in sociology like her best friend Diti is doing?
Because of all these questions and options she is not doing anything, she is stuck in her routine, living at home with her parents and her three older brothers, doing the markets every weekend together with Eti, preparing the so well known Ethiopian dishes every day to the businesses that are willing to buy them. She hasn’t eaten the flat round Ethiopian bred for six months now, it repulses her. Litiwi is not taking any decisions, she is following life, life is certainly not following her.

“Listen Litiwi,” Gerard finally puts the request on the table, although in a different format. (Let’s forget about the sushi picture for a moment, he thinks to himself).
“I have a proposal for you, I would like to take a few pictures of you, see how you look in front of a camera, if it works out perhaps we could do a project together, I could photograph you, you know, with landscape of Victoria for example, you have seen my work already right? It could be useful for you too, for your curriculum. In any case, it is always nice to have some sharp photos of yourself. Would this be something you would be interested to do? He tries to make it sound attractive, as if it was a one time chance, he is concerned she will not be interested because of her tradition, because she is a modest woman, because she has to deal with her difference-ness every day and might not want to be put under even stronger spotlights.

Litiwi is excited! The night when she first saw Gerard’s pictures, she was charmed, she loved his work; but more importantly that night she dreamt that Gerard takes pictures of her, and she becomes famous, she becomes known in Melbourne. In fact she becomes known all over Australia. She dreamt that she travels around the world with Gerard to all of his Gallery openings, and everywhere they go people are delighted to meet her, recognize her from the pictures. Every Australian knows her name, she gets many interviews, people know all about her. She is an Australian icon. That leads to job interviews, which leads to her dream job. She becomes a spokes woman for an Australian-Ethiopian organization; she helps young Ethiopians integrate into western societies.
Even more exciting than that, during this moment of fame, Litiwi finally falls in love, for the first time in her life, she falls in love with a gay man, who loves her back.

Gerard takes Litwi for a picture session.